Child of Possibility

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2011-11-25T20:18:00.001-08:00

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30 day challenge time

2011-06-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

So I was recently told that there is a real possibility that my little family may be going on a trip to Hawaii with my kinfolk to celebrate my parents' anniversary. Just a few days prior to that news, I went to the doctors office and saw the highest non pregnant number on the scale. I swear, I nearly knocked Bridget over as I raced to get off that scale. Since that date, I made a commitment to change things around. And I was doin pretty good but our trip came up.... and well..... festivals are not diet friendly as tastey drinks flow like a river as do the treats and snacks. My feet looked like blimps after the 21 hour drive home. I feel heavy and sluggish in the morning. Then, like a sign, I came upon a blogger, Polos,Pearls, and Pacifiers, talking about her challenge. I remembered Rob had picked up a Jillian Michaels dvd a while back(which I dismissed cuz I know the real reason he got it is cuz she's hot and bossy..... and we know how he loves bossy chicks) I texted him and wouldn't ya know it.... its the exact 30 day challenge that these girls are doing. So, there's the answer.... looks like I'm joining the challenge :) Mama needs to look less Orca on her trip.... and more Oo la la. So if you are reading this..... feel free to join the sweaty fun.

a glimpse of good times had

2011-06-02T10:38:00.000-07:00

Watching the news roll in with pictures of the destruction in Massachusetts is making me ever so thankful that our fates had us out of there before the storms rolled in. We were camping in the woods not far from where the tornados took several lives. Don't have time to post my whole tale of our trip to Strange Creek... but thought I'd put up these pictures to get the ball rolling....

goin to the country. gonna eat me a lot of peaches.

2011-05-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

Best mother's day ever..... even better than my first mother's day when B had a total poo explosion up to her neck and Rob had to clean her up in the Perkins bathroom while I enjoyed a free slice of pie. At first I was all for going to this nice restaurant for their fancy prime rib buffet and custom crepe chefs. Laying in bed Saturday night I realized, I don’t really dig prime rib. And what I do dig is hash browns and pancakes at the Pancake Place. And the Pancake place is crazy cheap whereas the buffet place was almost $20 a plate. So we started off at church where I got to chat with some of my favorite moms and watch B with her little buddy Lily. Then off to our favorite breakfast mecca where everyone of the server gals popped over to say hi. Then we took a beautiful drive down to the little farm town where we had our wedding reception almost 7 years ago. We went to Mulberry Lane Farms to see and snuggle some baby critters.

This place blew away all of my expectations. First off, it's gorgeous. The barns are weathered but beautiful and tidy. The animals had to be the cleanest livestock I have ever seen outside of the county fair. They look like they all get biweekly baths. Our first trip was to the goat and sheep barn. Farmer Dawn gave us a quick lesson in the many things farmers use these animals for before telling us to make sure and pick up the baby goats and give them lots of love. I found this lil booger hiding in the corner thinking that he was so clever. I swear the bleating for his mom nearly made me start lactating right then and there.

I passed him over to Rob who introduced him to B. B was not all that game to get very close. Mama came sneaking around and had to make sure everything was okay. I got all teary eyed when she came in for a motherly kiss. I got a message on facebook from the farm sharing that the nanny's name is Shivers and that she became foster mom to a kid that one of her offspring had rejected. Had me all teary eyed again.

Next we were off to the pig pen where they keep the “teenagers.” I gotta say I was more than impressed that the kids did not make a bigger deal about the pigs pooping on each others faces when they were piled up on top of each other. We learned that pigs are not so familiar with Vibram 5finger shoes and they kinda think my toes were grapes.

One brave little guy took it one step further and tried ripping my pants off. If he weren’t so cute, it would have been horrifying. It turns out, B is quite the little pig whisperer(in addition to turtle whispering) and she bravely called them out to play once the crowds left.

Then we gleefully plopped her on a teeeeeny little pony’s back and Rob took her around the ring. I had to reign in my stage mom side “Sweetie, you have to HOLD the horn of the saddle!!! Really hold it!!!” as she disgustedly put just her fingertips on the very top of the horn.

Rob came around from the first circle and gave me the look of “do you want to pull her off cuz that’s what she wants?” and being the kind of mom who really listens to her child’s needs said “Go for a second round!!!!” B’s look of betrayal could have broken my heart if I wasn’t stifling a fit of laughter. Its mother’s day…… its my day to be a brat.

Speaking of brats…. B did not like the idea of holding anything with wings. I liked the idea of teasing her with chickens……

and ducklings…

I think the one moment of the day where I got a little embarrassed about what a hippy dork I was was when we met Red the milking cow. I always thought I was such hot stuff cuz I milked a goat once when I was 11. So I strutted up like I was some sort of expert and puffed up all proud when B actually got some milk out herself. We walked around the front to say thanks to Red, and I was struck by how peaceful and beautiful she was. I never saw one ounce of fear or anxiety in any of these animals even though they had seen group after group of families all day. I scratched her forehead and she gently turned her nose to B and let her kiss her nose. Later we were playing with the newborn barn kittens and I noticed Red was happily laying down all by herself.

B and I walked over and were giving her some good neck and behind the ear scratches. She leaned into our touch just like a dog. I couldn’t get over how gentle and relaxed she was. Here’s the nerdy hippy part, I started thanking her for the milk that she provides and her gentleness with B… and then I started to cry as I wished her a happy mother’s day. Sheesh!! Crying at the milking station. She turned and looked at me funny like “Girl, its muh job.” Later that night, when I uploaded the pictures, B saw the one of Red and she reached up and touched her and said “ooooh soft. Gentle scratches.” And proceeded to pretend to stroke her neck.
Just as we thought our day was over, one of the farmers popped her head into the barn and mentioned that one of the nannies was about to give birth so we hightailed it across the yard and into the goat/sheep pen with another little family. Sure enough, mama was cleaning up a little black and white kid and we saw he or she take their first steps(insert more tears). After a few minutes she layed down and pushed out the second kid. She barely stood up to clean #2 when #3 made his way into the world. I think Ma barely even noticed his arrival.

And again, I couldn’t believe how thoughtful the human kids were about the whole thing. Here she is with all this “stuff” hangin down out of her rear and the little boy near us was just concerned about who was gonna help her wipe her bottom. There was a pregnant sheep that kept sneaking in and checking on the goat and her kids. Later that night we saw on the farm’s facebook page that the ewe actually came over and was letting the newborn goats nurse from her. I told Rob, if I knew how to do it, I would make a great 2 mom family children’s book from that. Here she is checking on mom and kid #1… not sure if the goat to the left is dad or another nannie waiting her turn to give birth.

So there you have it. My very long winded picture heavy story of mother's day. Rob and I agree that we will be getting season passes for the farm.

more architectural daydreams

2011-05-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

I think I like daydreaming about my future kitchen more than any other aspect of the house. Perhaps that is because our current kitchen has about 1 sq/ft of built in counter space. And that 1 foot disappears if you need to open a drawer to retrieve a utensil because the drawers are built in directly above the "counter." We added a bakers rack but that still forces me to choose only one appliance to be left on the counter at a time. And in our house, that is the coffee pot. I would normally skip the electric pot for a french press but our quaint farmhouse sink is too old to accommodate a garbage disposal and the feel of french press used grounds on my hand as I try to slosh it all down into the compost bucket is just too gross. SO, back to my dream kitchen..... one of the things that helped me know Rob was the one, was that he said he always dreamt of having Larry and Abby's kitchen table from Dharma and Greg. The big counter top island made from 2 gorgeous wine barrels. I can't believe I can't find a picture on line of it anywhere. Anyhoo, even though I dream of a nice small cozy home in the woods, the kitchen in my head comes up lovely and open to the rest of the space. I saw this picture today and it got me dreaming again.

Donna Wilson's blog...
the cement counter.... the reclaimed wood cabinets..... the old school drawer pulls.... the subway tile. Rob should seriously ban me from looking at design blogs cuz it does nothing to help subdue my desire to move.

breaking my silence...

2011-05-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

I slipped back into a quiet phase for a little bit. Thought I'd break the silence with a post of pictures from other websites that made me giggle today. Found a lot of these on Old Chum.

this picture is in one of my hand made houses of the 60's books. It has always inspired me to find a gorgeous cast off window but in my heart I know these sort of scores don't exist now a days. At least not in my price range.

Cranberry Bran Muffins

2011-04-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, I sat at a kitchen counter as my friend Autumn effortlessly juggled a visit with me while feeding and caring for her 2 small girls. Autumn never let you go hungry at her house. On this day, she introduced me to something that became a go to recipe of mine. Bran muffins with cheddar cheese sliced on top. So today I thought I would give it a try with B. That kid is going through a picky phase food wise. If its not in noodle form or cheese form she really isn't interested in it. So, here's the recipe. It's basically the Bob's Redmill recipe from the wheat bran bag but tweaked.

1 cup wheat bran
1/2 cup flax meal
1 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup cranberries
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup milk
1/4 cup molasses
1/4 cup honey
2 bananas mashed up
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
2 tbs oil
2 eggs, beaten

Preheat to 400(unless you have my stupid oven where you put it up as high as it goes for 30 minutes and mayyyybe it will get above 350)
Mix the dry stuff.... mix the wet stuff.... then mix it all together must til its all properly wet and mixed. I put about 1/3 cup of batter in each muffin cup. Bake for 15-20(or if you have my stupid oven.... 25 or 30 *sigh*) As far as the cranberries go, you could do dates, raisins, dried apple chunks. whatever you have hanging around. And the mushed bananas could easily be 3/4 cup of applesauce like the Bob's redmill recipe states. But I had no applesauce. Pretty much any fruit puree will do the trick.

And there you go... a perfect go to breakfast, snack, lunch, etc. Cut one in half and top with a piece of good cheddar cheese. If I'm not feeling lazy, I pop it under the broiler so its all melty and wonderful. That mixture of lightly sweet muffin and salty cheese is perfect and its filling cuz of the bran. I like to sneak flax meal into anything possible. The added fiber and ultra happy omega 3 make me feel even better about having this for a whole meal. I pop it into my green smoothies when I'm a good girl and making those regularly. If B continues to refuse veggies, I think spinach smoothies will be coming back soon.

Ignore the look on her face.... she liked em. She is sitting criss cross applesauce in the middle of the floor munching on one and watching Nemo. It is helping that I called them cake and not muffin. Sometimes you gotta lie to yer kids. Don't you judge me!

Lunch with the ladies

2011-04-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

The snow has melted. The daffodils are popping up. And Bridget enjoyed her first brunch with the ladies. As her 2nd birthday was approaching, I had to admit that I really didn't relish the idea of throwing a big party full of kids and adults. I'm a bit of a recluse and I get weirded out in situations where I am expected to mingle. Which is funny cuz I LOVE cooking for people and I do a pretty good job at a fancy spread of good food. I realized that if I could shrink the party down to a couple of people, I was on board. Lisa and Marcy have been speacial friends of mine for several years from work. Marcy and I hold dear the memory of crying by the office coffee machine when I told her I was finally pregnant(making several strangers a little uncomfortable but we didn't care.) So I invited them to come have brunch at a little cafe called the Mustard Seed. We swapped excited emails and instant messages about flowery dresses, floppy hats, and the possibility of gloves as THIS was gonna be a very big girl brunch. Did we turn some heads? Totally. But it was awesome. I am so lucky to have friends willing to get all Steel Magnolias for a two year old.
Speaking of Steel Magnolias, here's my girls sharing a drop of tea.

And just before we left, the woman from the wedding decor shop next door popped in with a tray of mini chocolate cupcakes with key lime frosting and red velvet mini cupcakes with cream cheese frosting... all done up with glitter sugar. She brought the tray out for the birthday girl to pick out her favorite. I think B was overwhelmed by the amazing array of frosting topped cuties.

If I ever had a doubt that all the baby has disappeared from my baby girl, these pictures seal the deal. Look at how she carries on like she's been "doing lunch" for years.

"Now I'm not one to gossip, but have you heard who Silvie has been seen with?"

Bridget even obliged me and wore the feather hair clip I made her. It stayed in for about 10 minutes which is pretty good when it comes to this kid. Scruffy hair in her eyes is kind of her preferred state. In fact, she refused to wear the brand new Easter hat I picked up this morning until she saw the girls sporting theirs in the parking lot. Suddenly she was the hat kind of girl.

The chef even came out to wish her a happy birthday. I am beyond blessed to have these women in my life. Lisa and Seth painted B this gorgeous letter B that is exactly what her new big girl room needed. Marcy bought her a magenta camping chair, polka dot sleeping bag, flash light and flash cards. She's all ready for festival season to start. She insisted on eating her dinner in the camp chair and drags it behind her everywhere she goes.

So I just wanted to send up another thanks to you guys from B for the presents, the laughs, and the wonderful day that we will always remember. You guys beat a dora the explorer pinata party any day!!!

I feel like I'm being watched

2011-04-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

So, how does one survive in a customer service job in the insurance industry? You sneak as much wimsy and happiness as you can. I seriously questioned if I should drop $3 for the pack of googly eyes. But the reaction was all worth it. These were just a couple of the new characters that showed up at work yesterday.

life on water

2011-04-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

There was a brief period in our childless days where we were semi serious about living on a house boat. I scanned the classifieds for something doable in the Key West region. But then Key West went on the back burner and I turned my attention toward more child friendly locations. Over the last few years, I've studied cob, hay bale, yurt, campers and pole barns..... ANYTHING that would be small and that we could do cheap enough to make major changes in our careers. I had completely forgotten about houseboats!! I adore the house boats of Seattle!!! So I thought I'd share some eye candy while I day dream some more. The following picture was my dream home. I think I fell in love with tug boats growing up in countless marinas with my family. The crusty hermit boats intrigued me.

and then she was 2.....

2011-03-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrate B's 2nd birthday. How is it possible??? It seems like she's always been this age and yet I can't believe she's become this talking, singing, creative little person over night. The morning started out by suprising her with balloons over her bed when she woke up. I thought that would be a sweet tradition and started last year. So Rob hustled off to the store before I even woke up so he could have them in her room bright and early. The first thing out of her mouth was "Whoa!!!!!!!"

Then a special breakfast of crepes with lavender raspberry sauce and whip cream. Although she loves the whip cream, turns out the little lady prefers her crepes plan.

Next we ventured out to the local book store to pick out a new book(another birthday tradition I wanted to start.)

We picked up A Sick Day for Amos McGee written by Philip Stead and illustrated by Erin Stead. The artwork was amazing and the tale of caring for one another was too sweet. Next to the book is the awesome fire truck the Rosa family sent B.

After that, we hustled home knowing there was cake and more presents from far away to open.

coloring in her new aqua doodle coloring pad

And I can't deny that I have some serious toy envy... they have really stepped up their game with the Pianosaurus. Mine was not nearly as cool.

We pretty much spent as much time as possible out on the sun porch soaking up rays and playing the new keyboard.

All in all, a wonderful day together and celebrating this smart and silly little girl that completes me in ways I never knew I needed completing.

2011-03-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

What's that? Chocolate icecream?
What chocolate icecream?
No, I haven't seen any. Why would you ask that?

Nope, haven't seen a bowl of icecream anywhere.
Probly the cats or that dog.....
Better luck next time.

Her new look has me wondering, is my little girl growing up to be William H. Macy?? And how did I not know what an interesting guy he is? We saw an interview of his recently and was struck by the fact that I don't know enough of his films.

link to a give away

2011-03-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

So, I can be one of the most frugal people you've ever met. I have spent the last 2 years struggling with guilt over the decision of whether or not to drop some good money on a quality made camera bag. So when I saw another give away for the bag, I had to do everything I could to have a chance :)
Head on over the Tatertots and Jello and have a look see...

subtlety.....

2011-03-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

I came upon this poem today. I have seen one of her other poems and I love who very raw she is with her heart. "Subtlety was never my specialty." AMEN!! I am that person who cries in public as well. I hope you enjoy....

and mother nature laughed in my face.....

2011-03-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

A lovely spring blizzard.... how thoughtful. Its just what I wanted. Mother Nature heard my taunting post and delivered us a lovely pile of 12 inches of snow. The snow plows were working like mad to clear the roads. Our alley, on the other hand, was not a priority until late in the day. So all of this excitement earned me a snow day from work. B and I watched Rob shovel out the sidewalk and steps. I brewed extra pots of coffee. Libby, being her usual agreeable self, let B love the begezus out of her.

Feeling guilty for staying home, I cleaned, sorted and boxed up piles of give away stuff from our craft room. One of the things that digs at me is the pile of old stock from when I would sell patchwork clothes at festivals. So the pile of dusty never worn clothes have been hauled out and I'm cutting and reconstructing into new fresh pieces. It's been far too long since I put anything up on etsy. Feels so good to see boxes disappearing from the corners of our catch all room. I think I lived in denial all these years, not realizing just how much stuff we had accumulated and held onto simply because we had the space. I'm an avid thrift storer. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd probly compete. Looking at all of this stuff that is heading right back, it helps to remind me to only bring home what we really need. Watching Hoarders helps too. hahaha. One mention of that show and nearly everyone I know can name at least one person in their life with a hoarding problem. I'm glad to say some of my biggest thrills lately are when Rob tells me what old furniture was swooped up today from our freecycle posts or when we get a load of boxes in the car and dropped off at St. Vinnies. Now I just need to add Etsy to the mix and I'll be a happy girl.
Speaking of happy girl, thank you Jesus for holding off on the blizzard until the day after our weekly milk delivery. Filling this carrier with the empties gives me a giddy little joy each week. Emptying those bottles and running around with the carrier makes B a happy girl. And knowing we are supporting the local dairy farmers makes Rob and I feel all warm and fuzzy. We are blessed.

Signs of spring

2011-03-16T19:29:00.001-07:00

You know its been a long winter, when you look into the yard and see a big white thing in the yard and you think someone threw a garbage bag on your lawn. Then you look closer and realize that it is a pile of snow... that the yard is more grass than snow. I can not wait!!! But I feel really guilty thinking it because it happens like this every winter. 2 years ago, I was giddy with the knowledge that I was to have a baby in a couple weeks and loving the buds on the lilac tree. I thought I would be barefoot in the back yard any day. Then along comes the weekend she was born, and we get socked with a small blizzard. So I hope Mother Nature doesn't have a sick sense of humor and send me another blanket of cold and wet.

So here is to driveways that are snow free!! Bridget is a big fan. She is also a fan of her boots. They are about 2 or 3 sizes too big. But don't tell her that unless you want a kick in the shin. I made her this dress at least a year ago. Children's patterns always frustrate me with their sizing. I think this guy was stated to be for a 12 month old. B is just now able to fit it and will definitely be in this for a while to go yet.

It is a dress from Amy Butler's Little Stitches for Little Ones. While I didn't think I was a fan at first, now that she is big enough to fit it, I dig it. Especially with leggings and her chunky boots. I am determined to get to my sewing machine more often. Part of our massive "empty out the basement" project is me either donating or finishing projects that I have horded down in the original sewing space. Plus, spring is on its way. We deserve new dancing skirts and little dresses.

holding pattern

2011-03-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

It's always strange when you're in that holding pattern just before a change. Or atleast what you've prayed to change. Maybe it's presumptive for me to assume change is around the corner. Until the unknowns start moving, I'm doing my best to create or stimulate change around me. Long ago I put some stuff up on etsy but then lost any free time thanks to my job. So I'm delving back in and trying to decide which mediums to hone in on. My first start is an homage to our beloved Nashville. I thought I would share a look at our work table. I have loads of tshirt ideas but I wonder if Etsy's tshirt market is saturated enough already.

This is how I feel inside waiting to see what the next year or two has instore for us.

And I thought the progression of these shots were funny. She is obsessed with the computer keyboard so we bought a $2 keyboard at Salvation Army and I cut off the cord so B could have her own to "work" on. She hauls it around the house with the old cordless phone. I told Rob, I might start to worry if she includes a coffee cup under her arm. Basicly, here is my work day...
9am... coffee is flowing and I'm wide awake

noon.... more phone calls, more complaints, and I'm starting to fade....

5 oclock and I'm still not going home anytime soon... ready to pull a Costanza and hide under my desk.

Ugga Mugga & Happy Birthday babe!

2011-02-26T20:10:00.000-08:00

Oh if only every day could be like today.... No worries, just soaking up eachother and laughing. Happy Birthday to my sweet wonderful best friend!!!! Thanks for rolling with the punches. Thanks for taking another huge leap of faith with me. Thanks for taking a chance with a daydream prone nanny from Seattle. I hope you know that B and I are the luckiest girls on this planet. Thanks for trying on granny wigs with us at the thrift store. Here are some of my highlights from the week...

insanity....

2011-02-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Insanity, as it has been described to me many times, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is true, I'm nuttier than trail mix. Seriously, lock me up in that padded room cuz I think I've been on this hamster wheel for so long that I forgot what I was running for. The last few days have had a cloud of despair hovering over me. The kind of cloud that you know there isn't any kind of immediate solution beside pray for some sort of healing touch from above to alleviate some of that funk. And I swear, I just got some sort of an answer..... I've been fighting to maintain the very thing I don't want. This job, this house, this unhealthy body, this town..... the fact that it feels like we've let the day to day survival things build up a brick wall to make me forget that I had very different dreams for our family. Dreams that involved living in a community, living closer to nature, living my life for my family and not for the job that I thought held me hostage. In the midst of this revelation, tears streaming down my face while I'm asking God to show me where he wants me, I hear my little girl call out gently "Aww huney.... come 'ere." She puts her arms out and waves me in. And in that instant, I have my reason for living right there wiping away the tears and patting my cheeks and kissing my eyes. Thanks little B. So, the problem isn't solved... but its reminding me to keep close the only 2 things that I really need to keep safe. The rest, well the rest needs some major changes.

I'm just saying.......

2011-01-30T18:38:00.001-08:00

This is what I think of......

When I look at her pig tails.

I wish I could rock the squirrel ears.

blue funk

2011-01-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I question God's logic in making hormones. I mean, yes, they drive us to do things like fall in love and all sorts of passionate things. But seriously, 90% of the time, they are back firing and causing more trouble than they are worth. My day started out lovely. We bundled up and headed out the door for some thrift storing and errand running. Once we come home, it was like I was crashing from some horrible drug. I was sullen, wanted to be alone, and then fighting really hard to keep from crying. And NOTHING had happened to make me feel this way. If God ever asks me for some input, cuz you know.... I'm sure he/she will one of these days, I might suggest a handy little reset button. Something where I can hold the button down for 20 seconds until the whole system shuts down and restarts all fresh and new. My hope in writing this is that my funk lifts before B wakes from her nap and is looking for a mom that will dance and play instead of the current mom who'd rather crawl under her blanket.

I heart coffee dates

2011-01-16T13:23:00.000-08:00

One of my most favorite things in this world, is going to the old coffee shop I used to work at, and see our friend Carly. We treated ourselves to bagels and coffee and banana.

I'm sad to admit that my #1 reason for frequenting that place is about to move out of state. So I need to enjoy it while I can.

Dusting off the keyboard...

2011-01-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't taken the time to come in here and write something about our trip to Washington and Christmas! But I've been on project mode and facebook sucking mode. So to get things rolling again, here are my favorite things of the last week or so.... We had the luxury of an indoor farmers market Saturday. I say luxury as Green Bay is not the most progressive about public markets and the closest thing we usually have is 2 dedicated farmers that come sell their eggs and what not at the local juice bar. Not much. We left there with a huge loaf of cheesy garlic bread from the Seven Loaves Project and some fresh eggs. Then we got to St Vinnies just as the doors were opened. Rob snagged two hand painted Raggedy Ann and Andy pictures to go with B's vintage Raggedy Ann motif. On the way home, we decided to cruise the neighborhoods down by the coal piles and warehouses. For all the faults people see in my neighborhood, I still say it has some of the most amazing buildings and oddities if you take the time to look. Little known fact, our neighborhood, Fort Howard, was originally a military fort built on top of an old swamp. The vaccine for malaria was discovered in my neighborhood. Probably right down where the laundromat now stands. With a couple fresh inches of snow from the night before, we drove our camper van, Black Betty, around and played by the loading docks taking pictures. You know, being good role models for our daughter who watched from the back of Betty. She's used to it though. Its not uncommon for her and I to take a side trip if I spot some train cars with a fresh coat of graffiti on em. Here's some of my favorites.
This was possibly the first picture I snapped when we hopped out in the cold. My sweet ol' man.... can't wait to take a picture like this in Ireland one day.

I love catching him with his guard down. Ask him to "make love to the camera" and this is the response I get.

I look a smidge pissed in several of these shots. I didn't think about the glare on the snow in the eyes.

Then we headed over to the place where we bought our pellet stove.

And then we decided it was too cold and another pot of coffee at home sounded better.

Homemade gift #2

2010-12-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

One of my most treasured toys when I was little was my Toucan Sam cardboard safari hut. I remember excitedly collecting the necessary box tops with my mom and mailing them off. Not to jump off track, but why don't they have the cereal schwag they used to??? I can't believe I can't find a single link on google where anyone remembers that hut. So I decided B shouldn't have to suffer through childhood without a little fort all her own. First I hunted around and found a tutorial that came as close to my plan as I could at SewMamaSew. Then I headed to Joanns on the day after thanksgiving and spent the next 2 hours questioning my poor judgement to go buy one large piece of felt on the biggest fleece blanket buying day of the year. Seriously, I couldn't even see some of these grannies over the bolts of camo and unicorn printed fleece piled in their shopping carts. Since the tipi is too big to make the trip to Washington for Christmas, it was gifted early. So here it is, more or less finished. There are a few details yet to be added but they can come later. :)

The trick is going to be, keeping a big enough area clean for it to be set up.

Homemade gift number 1

2010-12-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

One of my goals when I became a mom was to make at least 1 of B's Christmas gifts each year. Would I love to be the kind of woman who could make every single thing by hand? Hellz yes. But I'd also like to be a full time mom, full time crafter, smokin' hot bod who lives in a cabin along the Washington coast with my family. And so far, I have none of those at hand.... yet. So I take baby steps and am pleasantly surprised when I surpass my goal. The first of my gifts this year for her is a set of alphabet bean bags. Inspired by Chez Beeper Bebe, I picked up some fabric and got to stitching.

Since we are flying to Washington for Christmas, I didn't want to add any extra weight to our suitcases. So I am opting to only fill the letters of her name and then we will fill the rest when we come home. I have high hopes of these getting lots of use. Rob has always talked about building a bean bag toss board, and now we've got a way to sneak that silly old alphabet into it.

my sunday favorites

2010-12-12T14:30:00.000-08:00

So, I basicaly haven't left this house in 48 hours. Blizzard Aiden finally nailed Green Bay and we've followed strict orders to stay home. So there's been lots of dancing, crafting, Eclipse watching, and Christmas daydreaming. And my favorite tune of the day is this tune that my frined Caroline, stylest extrordinaire, turned me onto friday. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - Home

And I am crazy crazy in love with these tiny gingerbread houses for your mugs of cocoa over at Not Martha It makes me think of my mom and the year that she made a gingerbread house for every girl in my class to decorate at my birthday party. My mom, little Juanita, was known far and wide as THE best bday party planner. She always had some great crafting project planned for us all to make. My long time friend Chris told me that they still hang the snowman ornament she made at one of my parties. Anyways, these just made me and my coworker squeal. But the reality is, I will probly never get a chance to make these until we have a year where I plan a big ol' winter party.

Although she will get nothing from these folks this year, I am in love with this catalog for Magic Cabin. Perhaps next year when she's more of a small doll player.

This will be made this year as well. Young House Love. I just absolutely love the flow of their blog. Thank god for diying inspiration. I think this blog actually changed my long time dislike of ranch style houses. Rob will attest to the fact that I'm pretty choosy about the ornaments that we hang up. We were in agreement that we didn't want some huge pink thing to hang every single year. So we went with a quirky Superman thing we found. This year, I'm thinking this is perfect. And perhaps a new tradition.

So I hope you're all safe and sound and home with loved ones tonight. And I hope your morning doesn't have any of this waiting for you....

Waiting for this storm to pass

2010-12-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

It is a lovely Saturday afternoon. I am afforded the luxury of writing in the blog... well, only during moments where B isn't grabbing my finger and dragging me out to the floor to dance with her. Rob has run off to the store to get groceries. The dog sleeps soundly on the couch and the fire is roaring in the fireplace. We're waiting for the big snow to fall. As much as I do not enjoy the seemingly endless winters in the Midwest, I do love this quiet storm of snow. The morning coffee is gone and it seems time to get that teapot steaming up. And it be time to finish the Christmas gifts I've been working on. I just wanted to soak in this video of sun and warmth before I don my chunky socks and watch the piles of snow gather around the house. And I pray that mother nature gets it all out of her system before our flight west on the 20Th. I also send up big prayers for 2 particular families that I know where children have been given the diagnosis of cancer. I look at my own little human charge and I try to fathom the gut punch that these families must be reeling from. So, while I sew toys and fret over the fact that B whines and cries for me to go dance with her, I will remain conscious of how lucky I am to have a child that is happy, healthy, and wanting me to be there and present with her. And I will set aside these projects and be there with my miracle child.....

Sunday inspirations

2010-12-05T19:40:00.000-08:00

One of my goals for 2011 is to find my blogging groove. I get all inspired and then I forget it exists for a few weeks. So I thought I'd share the blogs that really inspire me lately to just enjoy myself. The photos and emotions of these sites feel so rich and inviting....
I think I love this site because her shop is like something a girls dreams up with her best friend in art class....
a beautiful mess
Anyone who knows my 365 collection on facebook knows I get weak in the knees for well made vintage toys. When I saw the post on this gal's blog about Christmas gifts for her daughter, well, she kinda stole a piece of my heart.
blue bird vintage
I came across Sara on a hippy christian message board a few years back. Though she hardly knows me, I am definetly one of the many people who are inspired by her lifestyle. Oh to share a steamy cup of tea with this mamacita....
walk slowly live wildly

the tiny ghoul

2010-11-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, we lovvvve costumes around here. Little known fact, my secret desire before college was to attend Cornish school for the arts to study costume design. But a more conservative dad groaned "what kind of work is there for a degree with that???" um, well, costuming. But thats many many years of water under the bridge. SO, we love costumes and little funny gems. That means, we couldn't do just one day of costumes. Especially since we had been hand me downed 3 adorable costumes from her older cousins. The first was from cousin Topher. The Topher man filled that Telletubbie costume out so well in his day. It also inspired me to pull up some Tubbie videos on youtube. There are some royaly twisted mixes on there. So, beware before you youtube them! And note that her unsure face had nothing to do with her views on the costume and were entirely due to her feelings about me snapping pictures.

Next was the bat costume that her oldest cousin Kate sported at the same age. I can at least take some credit on this one as I helped construct the wings and my sister made the ears for the hat. We took her to our favorite bar for dinner and she charmed the pants off of everyone in the place.

But the one that made the final day was her cousin Mary's Evel Kneivel costume that was made by my mom about 4 or 5 years ago. Bridget was hilarious in this get up!!! And I was pleasently surprised that everyone seemed to know what she was. And she really enjoyed the grandiosity of the cape.... or maybe it was that the more she played it up, the more candy she got. Either way, our first year trick or treating as a family was a great one!!! We chose 3 different homes of good friends to drive out to and then just did a few houses around there. So a big thanks goes out to those friends who also treated mom and dad with laughs and some beer and wine.

oh the thrifts you can thrift

2010-10-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

I loves me some thrift stores. While Rob was getting his latest tattoo worked on, B and I went to a thrift store that is really hit or miss. This time it was a hit.... minus the fact that its too crowded for shopping carts and I didn't have a stroller so B pitched a level 9 shit fit in the middle of it and instead of understanding "i've been there" looks from the old ladies at the register, I got the "what the hell are you subjecting us to?" glares. But, these little gems for $2 were worth the moment of pain. As soon as I got them home and on her feet, all I could think of was Loretta Lynn's cd VanLear Rose and the track called Little Red Shoes. Even though these are easily 4 sizes too big for the little B girl, she loved them too.

little red shoes from francieclarksen on Vimeo.

Hidden hellbilly sides...

2010-10-23T13:51:00.000-07:00

We went out to another show last night. Its not uncommon for us to go out for some live music. In fact, sometimes I feel guilty that we leave Bridget home with a babysitter so often so we can go out to catch a show. Since we didn't take the camera, the best I can do is this picture of me modeling my new hat from the merch table. What was different was that it was an actual "get up, get sweaty, and dance.... throw yer fist in the air" kinda show. I grew up with the 90's as the soundtrack to my teen years. Mother Love Bone, Screaming Trees, & Alice in Chains got me pumped and I loved being in a crowded smokey room with bodies flying overhead and the swarming mosh pit in front of me. I even have my beloved old blue Doc Martens from back then. But over the years, my taste got a bit crunchier and I traded mosh pits for taper sections and girls spinning in patchwork dresses. From there I morphed into sit down and listen to the song and the story telling songwriter concerts. Until last night, I didn't realize how much it had changed on me. I forgot what it was like when folks battled to get 2 feet closer in the crowd. I'd lost my bag of tricks to keep my dancing bubble the right size. If you are passively watching the show and not dancing, folks will take advantage of that. If you dance like a fool and throw your elbows out a bit more, they avoid you for fear of getting hit. Jessica and I loved using that tactic in our single girl days. So, the show we saw was Hank Williams III. Looks like his grandpa and sings like the devil. He sings about poppin pills, smokin dope, and livin wild. Some of the time, I felt like a hypocrite and wondered if the guy next to me could tell that I was the mother of a toddler who goes to church and the only pill I pop is Aleve. But I pumped my fist and danced as hard as I could. I even felt the slightest urge to move closer to the mosh pit but decided that at 34ish, its not as cool to slam around with a bunch of sweaty disheveled guys. I did, however, laugh at a group of guys in the back of the venue who were trying to psyche themselves up to make their own 4 man mosh pit. I may not be cool enough for the front of the stage crowd anymore, but I'm not lame enough to create a poser pit in the back. Long story short, we had a blast. We admired the spectacular rockabilly hair and clothes, enjoyed the heck out of my gin and tonics, and thanked the stars above that we married people that see the value of live music and not being afraid of dancing when everyone around you thinks they're too cool to move their feet. So here's a little acoustic Hank III.... last night was a lot more down and dirty with the bad. His hellbilly and metal side, Assjack, tore it up and left my throat sore and ears ringing into the next day as well.

Give away heads up!

2010-10-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Its funny how my blog focus shifts as my hobbies change. Well, maybe not funny but interesting to me. Anyhoo, I've become a huuuge fan of everything photography lately and I wanted to pass along this give away. Her shots are so lucious and ethreal. It definetly inspires me to explore my home more and play with light.

http://paisleepress.blogspot.com/2010/10/photographer-crush-tracy-heyman.html

Go forth and be inspired!!! Pretty up your nest with her prints

my homies

2010-10-17T18:18:00.000-07:00

I apologise for the 90's nostalgia with the title but Rob's been playing a lot of Sir Mixalot and Beastie Boys lately. We went to the pumpkin train today at the Railroad museum. No, it was not a train made out of gigantic pumpkins unfortunately. That was the totally awesome idea of one of the guys at church. We took B to it last year and I remember thinking that she was just the tiniest little shrimp back then.

The teeny little hand holding onto Rob's hand makes my heart ache just a wee bit. This little one that stole my heart with such ease just like her daddy did.

She definitely got more out of it this year. But with her complete lack of fear and lightening speed, we spent the better part of the morning dashing to grab her from ladders and steep steps. Case in point. Here is Bridget with her friend Lisa. There was no stopping Bridge at all. I will admit, next time she will either be in the ergo or on the puppy harness thing.

You may say "Where is her mother at this point?" Yeah, I'm totally guilty of taking pictures of my daughter trying to jump from a train instead of saving her. Ironically, the train they were on was the Safety First train.

And as I was laughing at the picture this evening, I was overcome with how thankful I am for the friends who don't have kids that stuck with us and are so patient and stay despite the random screaming fit & who don't roll their eyes when you tell yet another Bridget story. To our friends who choose to carry on conversations with my wacky little child and allow her to lead you in circles around the house while she looks for a cat. Thank you for the nights of babysitting on short notice and not minding the fact that we never stock the fridge with frozen pizzas, chips, or anything cool(except for the occasional six pack.) Couldn't do it without ya. So today, I'd like specifically to thank Lisa and Seth for coming out to the pumpkin patch(even though the ticket taker thought you were a little creepy for coming to a children's event without your own child) and helping us corral B.

so long, its been good to know ya.....

2010-09-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know what pushed me to do it... but I quit sugar. My blessed beloved sugar. I love ice cream.... cookies.... milk chocolate.... Over the years, I've tried to be more conscious of the kind of sugar I took in. But those bursts of awareness usually fizzled out after a few days when I forgot to keep checking labels or was too lazy to make things from scratch. Or the friendlier sugars like agave nectar created a slippery slope back down to where I started. Then I would realize that I had failed again and that would trigger a phase of "i just don't care cuz i can't do it." That lovely cycle of what I want my life to be like but then getting hung up on the snags along the way until I finally return to my old ways. Like they say, if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. And in my case, its a body that keeps me from being the down and in the dirt kinda mom I want to be, and the smokin' hot mama that makes other guys jealous of my husband. Last week, a thought finally sank in, I never fully commit to kicking the sugar habit because unconsciously it scares the crap out of me. Which is completely INSANE!!!

I'm a girl that's faced some pretty gnarly things in my life. Most people know that there was a period in my life where I really enjoyed cigarettes. But I knew it was possible to stop, and so I quit. Before that, I had a lovely funky little life in Seattle where I really wasn't at a loss for anything I wanted.... except for this lovely funky man who happened to live in the Midwest. I knew he was what I wanted, and so I moved. Both of these were huge scary and difficult changes in my life, and yet I did it to be the kind of person I dreamed to be. I could not believe that the thought of quiting sugar gave me more anxiety than quiting cigarettes. It really sunk in that sugar was just as much of a drug.... that it triggered things in my body that are slowly trying to kill me and to take me further from the life that I dreamt of living. Now, I know that some of the things I ingest still have some form of sugar in them.... bread, fruit, etc... but I just want to focus on this one simple step. I think that my past attempts fail when I let the plan get ahead of itself. I'm still eating cheese... I still enjoy some french fries and bacon. And once in a great while, a scoop of ice cream or a piece of birthday cake is allowed if I can remind myself that I will have to wrestle those cravings again like an alcoholic after a fall from the wagon. My hope is, making a sugar free life the norm, then I can add other changes as I go along and see the positive changes along the way. I should note, that the sprinkled cone in the pictures is really an apple muffin cone I bought at the dog bakery booth at the farmers market. Bridget's begging for it looked like how I used to feel when I'd see a pan of brownies. I need to remember that I didn't spend my whole life dreaming of polishing off that carton of Ben and Jerrys.... I spent my whole life dreaming of a healthy body that could hike at the same speed as my friends and a body that stopped guys in their tracks with how it looks in a pair of jeans... jeans I could buy in a store other than Lane Bryant ;) So, sugar, my sweet old pal, its been fun. But we're really not good for eachother. Its not your fault.... well, yeah, its sort of your fault. But I can't change you.... and I can't change myself with you. So, its time for us to see other people.

the summer that barely was....

2010-08-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

How is it August? How is it that I didn't post at all the whole summer? I shall lay the blame on making the most of every moment when the truth is, I had a good amount of blissfull down time along with bursts of wild action. B has proven to be an amazing road tripper at this stage of the game. She made the drive to Massechuesette and back and her very first camping festival like a seasoned veteran. This season has also brought us to the point where we set the "date" for our westward move. My dad's 70th bday and realizing that at some point, B will enter school have prompted us to get that dusty "to do" list out and crossing off projects. Car loads of boxes have already been driven to the thrift store. I am embarressed by the shear volume of crap we possess. Maybe it says something about how well I take care of stuff cuz I have loads of clothes I've owned for 10 years that are still totally wearable, but seriously, why do I want to keep it? On any given day, you will probably see a glop of drywall compound in my hair or paint under my fingernails. The idea of sellling the house freaks me out to no end. Its not the fear of leaving this home that we love.... its the dread of housing market crashes, realtors, and making that basement suitable for people to enter it. But I over power that dread with dreams of a barn home near the beaches of Washington..... taking B to my parents' house to play in the pasture..... watching my brother help Rob shop for just the right starter boat.... and raising B in a community of friends with kids the same age. I try to reign it in sometimes because realizing how far away our move date is sometimes brings down that curtain of blue around my heart. I have no doubt that when that day comes, I will be able to look at this post and laugh at myself since time flies way too fast now a days. So, to make up for the lack of summer posts... here are some of the highlights.

~girls and skirts

2010-05-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

Its funny how you can dream and hope for something for so many years.... and then not even realize that dream came true when it is right in front of you. I have been sewing clothes for little ones for as long as I can remember. When I was living in Seattle and selling my patchwork goodies, I would try to imagine what my future child would look like and if they would love to play in patchy skirts and pants as much as I hoped. I even held onto a couple pieces of work over the years as I loved it so much I had to see my own child in it. So color me surprised when I started crying after I slipped a little patchwork skirt over B's bare bum(her pink bum wanted air but I wanted her decent enough to play on the front porch in front of the neighbors). There before me was my daughter running and playing in this sweet little hippie skirt. It took all of 10 minutes to make. But it fulfilled about 10 years of day dreams and hopes. When I went to share that with Rob, I was caught off guard by the tears that started flowing again. So while I'm still on this crest of creativity, I'm jumping on the band wagon of bloggers who are working on making something new everyday http://www.elsiemarley.com/kids-clothes-week-challenge-buttons-rules-and-players.html
I've also been pulling out old unfinished goodies to complete too. One of the things I detest in life is hemming things. I don't know why, but when I get to the end of a project, the last thing I want to do is hem it up. Which results in lots of things left on the "almost done" hanger and never touched again. So this weekend I am digging through the boxes, tubs, and closets for long forgotten goodies. The above skirt was day 1. The skirt below was day 2.

Rhubarb comin' out the ears

2010-05-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

I love rhubarb. Lovvvvvves it. But seriously, the plant in my yard is just plain out of control. I spend a good portion of my summer wrestling prehistoric looking stalks out of it as it takes over my lawn. So, this is the summer of rhubarb recipes. First attempt was rhubarb sorbet. My first icecream maker adventure was a bit too rich, chocolate mint chip. The heavy cream was just overwhelming. So I was excited to try a fat free recipe. I would have used all agave nectar but lord almighty, that stuff isn't cheap and I prefer to use it for my daily coffee and tea and cereal so it lasts longer. Instead, I used up the last of last summer's lavender sugar and then the rest was raw sugar.
So first I chopped the monster stalks up in one inch sections. The recipe called for 1 lb. Well I'd chopped a lil more than a lb so we went with that. Next, tossed all that in a sauce pan with 1 tsp of sugar and 2 tsp of water. Turned the heat up to medium and put a lid on it. While this was stewing, I measured up the sugar for the simple syrup. Like I said before, I used a combo of lavender sugar I made last summer and some raw sugar. Next time I would go for more Lavender.... probably just toss some blossoms in with the rhubarb while it simmers away.
Next, the rhubarb is all nice and mushy and bubbly. Turn off the heat and pour it into the food processer. Blend until smooth... Now, take the 1 cup of sugar you measured and dissolve this into 2 cups of hot water. The recipe said to simmer on the stove but I think nuking the water and adding the sugar after was just fine and didn't mess up another pot.

Okay, pour the rhubarb smoothie into the syrup and pop it all into the fridge to cool off. Once properly chilled, put into the pre froze icecream maker and let it work its magic til it looks like soft sherbet. Pour into a container and stick in the freezer til it is more firm. Enjoy! Its tart & wonderful. Loads of room for experimenting.

~the smell of oil, sweat & ideas

2010-05-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

I've neglected an old friend for far too long. It happens to the best of us. We get so wrapped up in our day to day "have to" list and forget to take a few moments and sit down with a loved one and catch up. She's been my sidekick for as long as I can remember. She's listened to me cry, scream, and daydream. She believed in me when others called me crazy. She helped me do the impossible at times. And when the coin purse was rather light, she pulled through to help me make ends meet. During those years where I never thought I would be a mommy, she didn't judge me for secretly making little tiny sundresses and pants which I stashed away, afraid people would see and pity me. We used to stay up way too late in highschool working on projects until my mom would eventually come down and tell me to go to bed. So I am determined to be a better friend. I need to find a place for her in my day to day again. Luckily she isn't one for holding grudges. We just pick up where we left off.

~falling in love and other risky behaviors

2010-04-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

I was watching a documentary last night called Second Skin. It was about the online gaming communities. One of the story lines followed a couple that met through a game and fell in love over the computer. They eventually made the big move and he transplanted himself across the country to be with her. I wasn't able to finish the movie, but where I left it, you could see that the rose colored glasses were off and things were falling apart for them. It all got me thinking about how incredibly blessed and lucky Rob and I were. Seeing the interviews from before they met face to face was hilarious and so mirrored what we experienced. Giddy, full of hope, and totally scared to death but willing to take that leap. I am still amazed at the level of support my family showed when I made the big "i met someone online and I think I'm in love" confession. To this day I can't imagine the conversation mom and dad must have had that night. But it wasn't like it was my first venture into meeting people online. Not like I'd dated many folks from the magic toaster, but I'd had enough online exchanges and witnessed enough train wreck relationships to know better. I was cautious enough to know what was real and what was fantasy. Waiting for that first visit was gloriously scary. The odd thing is, the only thing my friends kept worrying over was what if he smelled bad. A thought I had never contemplated, the idea of a guy with really bad BO terrified my friends. Not "what if he's a woman? or a junky? or married? or mean?" To this day, I am still blown away that our leap of faith was met with so many blessings. With the success of so many Eharmony couples, admitting you met online is a little less freakish now a days. You still get that raised eyebrow "oh reallllly?" look, but fewer people think of you as some desperate kitten poster hanging freak show. On our honeymoon, we visited a friend of mine that I knew from the Kynd Crafter circle. She had recently fallen in love online but was embarrassed to admit it. I laugh when I think that she was embarrassed to admit to me that she had met her soul mate at the same silly site I had. In our circle of friends, I can name several very successful marriages that came about from a similar leap of faith. I wonder, what will B think of her parents' love story some day? Will it be so common place that she doesn't blink an eye? So I'd like to take this moment to thank my folks for being so kind as to keep their fears and doubts to themselves when I poured my heart out. I'd like to thank my dear friend Jessica for enduring a year of me dating him long distance and being a giddy school girl when our friendship was built upon our independent spirits and being survivors. I don't know what I would have done without gin therapy nights at the monkey pub and making weird eye Willy our whipping boy or our Snow Goose nights with Cheryl and Lisa singing Fat Bottom Girls. I'd like to thank the moms that I nannied for during that time of change for their support and understanding and embracing of Rob made me feel even safer in my decision to leave the work I loved to start from scratch. The years prior to Rob were some of the greatest in my life and I would never trade a single one of them for anything. After college, I felt beat down and unsure who I was anymore. Those years in Seattle allowed me to regroup and feel good about who I was once again. I knew what I wanted and what I was not willing to take. I have no doubt that if I didn't have that foundation already laid out, the leap into Rob's arms would have been much much bumpier.

~emotional tide books would be nice

2010-04-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

I never had my own little guide telling me when the tide would be at its highest or lowest in the days when I lived on the Island. I just sort of went with it and no matter how it ended up, I just enjoyed how it was. But I was thankful for those who did have the handy little pocket book that helped us better plan whether we would be rolling up our pants and walking in the muddy sand looking for treasures or if we would be sitting on the driftwood wondering if we had seen it come that high up on the shore before. The last few days have seemed like the emotional tides have been pulling back and forth more drastically than they have in a long time. We went from joy to tears to joy at light speed last night. And today, we had such an incredibly lovely family time running around. The rummage sales were all wiped out(still think its unfair to start a garage sale on Friday.... why should stay at homes, retirees, and service industry folks have all the luck??) and the rain was coming in quickly, but we laughed and smiled, drank our coffee and listened to B tell us her opinion on everything. Then Amanda called to clue us in that there was an Earth Day parade downtown. So we finished our thrift store shopping(score of the day was a little wooden ironing board for miss B. I promise, I'll stop buying such gender restricting toys one day..... for now its all too sweet) and headed down to the Urban Frog and joined A&E for a funky little rainy parade. Then on to the White Dog for lunch and goodbye hugs with Dane. It was a day of smiles, friends, and treasures. So color me surprised when B woke up from her nap shrieking... well, and she wasn't even awake. That helpless mournful cry is enough to break any one's heart. On top of that, Rob had to head off to work and I think I was pissed that we're still in a place where he has to work weekend nights and we rarely if ever have a full day to be together. So after that amazing morning of fun, I'm crashing a bit and teary. Thankfully, I can embrace even the lows as I know they don't last forever and that we'll be dancing again before you know it. I have faith that B will be planting her cautious love filled kisses on the cats' heads before the night is over...... that Rob will bring smiles to my eyes again before I close my eyes for the night...... that every little thing is gonna be alright. So the question is.... would I really want a tide book to give me a heads up that a low tide might be ahead or do I just do what I've always done..... headed to the shore and learned to love whatever I found?

~ergolicious

2010-04-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

I have to say, Sara from http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/ should be my personal buyer. Little does this woman realize that I seem to purchase or want to purchase everything she gushes over. But the way I see it, she has to be frugal with what she buys and she researches her stuff thoroughly. With limited space, she is bound to get something that will last, was made by a company with good business practises, and its practical. That said, I had been intrigued by her Ergo baby carrier. Like many of my friends, she believes in attachment parenting and having a good carrier that is versatile and durable is a priority. I have played around with different slings and carriers over the years. In my nanny days, I pretty much only had the sling. A lot of moms will sing the praises of these, but I was never EVER able to wear one for a long period of time and be comfortable. Then we got one of those structured Bjorn'like ones from the toy store when B was a bright new lil thing.

But as she got bigger, she just sort of seemed like a little stuffed sausage in there dangling out in front of us. So with the arrival of Easter bunny money, I got Rob on board and we ordered a not totally new Ergo from http://www.myfavoritebabycarrier.com/used.html . For those of you that need a bargain, you can get around $15 off the price. And when it arrived, I could have just sung from the rooftops. This thing ROCKS! I had some fears that B would not completely take to the whole carrier thing. Since I couldn't find a carrier I liked, and she was almost a year old, and a very independent little boog, I feared she would push and fuss to be put down the whole time. She seemed perplexed the first time. But once we were out and about, she was definitely into being up high and seeing the world from our level. Her only issue is that she likes to see what's coming and in this, she has to pull at my arm to turn and let her see where we are going.
We were at the new and improved dog park that day. I think she was watching her Libby wrastling with some other big dogs. The other thing I adore about this is that because she is directly against me, she gets all snuggly and will rest her face on my back and give the heaviest sweetest sighs and hums to me. Nothing feels better. So, with that said, I know I'm preaching to the choir as Rob and I are probably the only people who read this blog, but thank you God for the woman who designed these lovely carriers! And as a side note, how sexy does my mister look as a bald man??

~been too long

2010-04-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's spring.... my plants are sprouting, the windows are coming out of the sun porch, and places like Home Depot become a standard date destination for Rob and me. I am a bad mom. I completely failed to blog about B's first birthday. Perhaps its a good sign that I'm just enjoying being in the moment. Or that I'm just too tired or absorbed into facebook to pull up blogspot. Eitherway, I really want to change that. B is a big crazy 1 year old. She chatters to anyone willing to listen. Libby is still her best buddy. Especially as she is learning to give Libby really good butt scratchings. Grandma Nita flew in for a whirlwind visit recently. She and B just hit it off like peas and carrots right from the moment we got her from the baggage claim. It was amazing to wake up to the sounds of her and Grandma chatting and giggling each morning. It was perfect timing too as I was just entering into my annual "i need to get back to washington NOW!" funk. While it did not extinguish my plan to get us all transplanted in the northwest, it drove home the reasons why I long to be back home. I can tell that its not just me. Rob shows the sign of something building up as well. That tell tale underlying sense of being unsettled has been stirring things up. This usualy precedes a huge change for us. Scary at first, but so far each change has resulted in a wonderful new phase for us. So bring it on!! We've got faith, yes we do. We've got faith. How bout you!!!! Now.... onto thinking up some interesting blog posts so I can keep on this....

bust a gut

2010-02-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know who first read me Harry the Dirty Dog, but I can't remember a time when I didn't love it. So color me happy when I realized that Bridget loved it too. No flashy pictures, nothing fancy. Just a smart little dog who hates bathing. Little girl is 10 monthes now. I'm sad to see some things go away, like the magic cure all of singing B-I-N-G-O. But I cherish seeing her pop up next to the cats and try her best to mimic each one's personal meow. The cats might not appreciate it, but we do. And I love how she's stingy with the kisses unless she's in her highchair and covered in veggies. Then she'll start her howling song. If I lean my face in and sing along, I am rewarded with a big sincere and sticky kiss. I've felt like an absentee mom these past few weeks with the CNA weekend classes.... but come spring and summer, I'm making up for it.

~be brave

2010-02-01T18:17:00.001-08:00

This post could be alternately titled "when in doubt, don't look up. just move one foot and then the other." You move forward somehow, even if you're propelling yourself with nothing but bullshit... you fake it til you feel it. I need to remind myself where I am versus where I was. 3 years ago, I was not a girl who would have started down a path of 4 years of more schooling. I enjoyed the easy route. I had time to play.... to explore... to simply be present and soak it in. But then along comes that cosmic joker and shazam! The table cloth is pulled out and half your crap ends up in a pile. But we were brave. We had each other and we had already shared some rough roads and came out blessed and strong. I guess some days I still struggle with accepting where the chips fell. Or what my role is in the new game plan. At the time, I couldn't seriously see any other options. Still don't. Is it just my current influx of hormones or is this the familiar sense of discontent that precedes another giant shift? All I know is, it needs to be felt. Pushing it down has never resulted in anything but misdirected resentment. Maybe part of the churning is the nursing assistant course coming to an end. A new potential piece of the puzzle is hovering. Do we dare try to find a way to fit it in? My prayer today is for all of those in my life who are standing before their own impenetrable wall.... I pray that you slow down long enough and open a courageous heart to a possibility you never knew was available. It is never too late to make the hard decision to start climbing the mountain again.

Haiti's babies....

2010-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

To anyone in the midst of a journey through the adoption process or the battle with infertility, my prayers go out to you right now. There is so much loss that I can not even grasp the magnitude of it all. But its pictures like this one that I found on CNN... they stop me in my tracks. I'm thrown back into that heart ache of when we desperately just wanted to hold our own child. Adoption has been something I've contemplated ever since I was diagnosed with infertility issues in highschool. Even though we were finally blessed with our Bridget, we are both at peace with whatever way the next family member arrives. Seeing these beautiful children once again thrown to the wind... its more than my heart can bear. They have survived so much in their short short lives. They had a mother who prayed for their safe delivery into this world. Someone had dreams for them. The dice got thrown again and their fates are uncertain as always. My prayers are for these frightened little boys and girls to have strong loving person to get to them in time.

dust doesn't lie

2010-01-13T19:16:00.000-08:00

No, dust doesn't lie. I am the worst duster in the world. I always forget to do it until its simply ridiculous. And its those moments where I have a physical reminder of what I have not worked on in a long time. Maybe its the mandolin hanging on the wall. Or sometimes its my guitar or my bible or something else that should be put to use. Yet that poor little tv remote never gets a chance to gather dust. But this post is not about the tv... not this time. I was making dinner tonight and decided to make brown rice instead of the basmati rice that I love so dearly. As I pulled the giant pickle jar where I keep my brown rice on the shelf, I was horrified to see it had a layer of dust so bad that I had to get the scrubber and wash it off before I would open it. Has it really been that long since I opted for the brown rice? There was a time when we were trying to solve the infertility riddle that I switched us over to a pcos friendly whole grain granola mama pantry and loved it. I knew what I wanted and did what I had to. So when did I decide that I had reached the summit? What was it that made me justify going back down the hill once I was pregnant? Maybe I was lulled into the false belief that just because I was having the rockstar healthy pregnancy, that it must be okay to go back to the mindless habits of the past? So, with that.... its time to drag out those wonderful books and be a more conscious cook, wife, and mommy. I am sorry brown rice jar. You will never get that fuzzy again. My apologies vegetable drawer. You shall be filled with crispy goodness again.

leaps of faith

2010-01-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of my second semester back to school. I am pretty much at the point in the game where the momentum has picked up and there are few opportunities for me to stop and second guess it. Plus, I have to admit, I look smokin hot in scrubs. I mean..... I had no idea just how natural they would feel. Rob and I were sitting on the couch after my class and he said "it just looks like you were always supposed to be a nurse." We learned how to wash our hands, put on gowns and gloves, strip a bed and make it again, and that it is universally hilarious when a penis falls off a mannequin. There were a few times I got the self doubts. The idea of performing a bed bath on a perfect stranger... getting felt up by old men(or women) patients.... But I realized that I have done most of these scary things before. Okay, maybe not a perfect stranger, but I've cared for others with serious needs and I survived. So I am excited again. Now if only Bio Chem would be this entertaining and affirming. This week, I shall take a note from baby Slim....

Now is the time to be brave. Charge out there into uncharted lands with determination. You may come away with a few bruises but to walk or crawl with a brave little spirit is a sure fire way to conquer your goals.

Happy 9 Months Peanut!

2010-01-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Bridget,
You are such a scream. Every day I am more convinced that you will be crazier than any of the other girls in my family. I thought Kate would win that award until Mary came along. But the wild look of mischief that crosses your little 9 month old face stops me in my tracks and makes me celebrate..... and cringe when I think what a 13 year old with that same wild streak might do.

But mostly I celebrate. We have lots of time to try and direct that fountain of spazz. I have failed miserably at keeping a baby book or even tracking on your dear little calender. But Ill blame that on being too in the moment to jot things down. One thing I don't want to forget is how singing BINGO cures anything for the length of time it takes to sing it. And I love how those little wheels are turning when you try to remember how to sign for more. And how when you are just on the verge of saying mama or daddy, you almost purposely stop and start saying bah bah instead. The cats are blowing your tiny little mind lately. Its like Elvis has entered the room and is sitting next to you. You almost can't contain yourself when they try to love on you. Its all too exciting.... all you can do is reach out a single finger and run it through their hair. Bailey and Althea are such good big sisters. They will take a good amount of your dolphin like language which you reserve souly for the cats. But when they have had enough, so far they have been firm but gentle with you. I may have to invest in kitty downers for Althea when you move into that "carry kitty" phase. That bald bellied little freak hates being picked up but for you, she may make an exception. I should also invest in an escape free baby cage/crib as I suspect you will be a climbing monkey before too long. I just wanted to say, happy 9 months little peanut butter! Thanks for blowing my tiny little mind on a regular basis...

old school blocks

2009-12-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

So we put the word out that this Christmas is gonna be a simple handmade toy Christmas for the little girl. We have plenty of years where she actually asks for things with a million plastic parts. For now we will blissfuly try to keep it simple. With that, I had been in love with the decopauged blocks I was seeing on Etsy. But could not afford the cost of them. So, here was my first attempt at handmade letter blocks for Bridget. There will definetly be more made in the future.

So, first go to your local craft shop and get the blocks you want. I got ours from Woodworker's Depot but I noticed today at Michael's they have them as well. I started out trying to make my own decopage glue but in the end bought the bottle of collage pague from the store and got the best results. Cut squares of paper just 1/8 inch smaller than the side of the cube. Paste on the back of the paper and the side of the cube. Stick it on and then coat the front of the paper too. Use your finger to smooth out any bubbles in there.Then I put my rotary tool to good use and sanded down the edges and corners. Added a couple more coats of the sealer and here we have the cutest blocks in town.

Happy 8 months!!

2009-12-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

She's such a little. Remember the Littles? teeny lil mouselike people. Her smiles in the morning get me through the day at work. She's working so hard to figure it all out. You can already see the stubborn streak and the determination. She army crawls her little self everywhere around the house. Put her in the walker and she's off like a rocket. The poor dog doesn't know what to do.... on the one hand, the walker provides lots of opportunities for stealing her snacks on the sly. But on the other hand, it allows Bridge to move faster and catch Libby on the heels. Either way, Bridge loves it. So happy 8 month birthday beautiful one! So many possibilities lie ahead for you!!

thankful....

2009-11-20T12:44:00.000-08:00

today I am thankful for every moment I get to show my little family how much they mean to me..... I am thankful for the after work dances that Bridget and I share... and I am thankful for the random text message during the day where Rob just sends his love.

Miss Accomplishment

2009-11-14T09:02:00.000-08:00

It is such a nice morning. Rob is still off at the youth gathering. Bridget is sleeping away in her room. I am sipping my thai coffee(i can be more daring with the spiced coffees when Rob is away) and anxiously waiting to try Bridget's new patchwork pants on her. Her little life seems to progress at light speed lately. Where crawling seemed so far away.... suddenly she's getting up on them hands and knees with determination. Where once she could barely get that cheerio to her lips, now she shovels in handfulls of squash and steals the spoon away if I am not doing it right. But she's still my baby..... all baby. Trusting, daring, teasing little baby of mine. She is figuring out what makes us laugh and then works hard to get it right. Last night I watched her try to make the dog laugh. Libby is a hard audience. She would stick out her tongue, wag that head, and bark but Libby would only look at us with this look like "um, I think the kid is having some sort of fit. would you do something please?" Finally Bridge turned to us completely baffled at why the dog wouldn't talk back to her.

~fall is coming

2009-09-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Fall is coming. And so is Bridget's 6 month birthday. Is it possible? Last night, Rob mentioned that the first of the National Youth Workers' gatherings were beginning. I thought about our last convention in our beloved Nashville. And then it dawned on me...... holy shit! Its been a year!!! A year since "IT" all went down. A year since I felt like my whole life was getting ripped apart. A year since my beloved Grandma slipped from this earth. A year since we lost Uncle John. A year since God spoke those words of encouragement to me. A year. Unbelievable. I always had faith that we would make it through. But I am still in amazement over where we find ourselves today... and the level of joy I feel about where we are.

~by the fire's light

2009-08-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

We had a beautiful evening last night. To many people, it was just a warm friday evening. But for us, it was the eve of something special that we would sadly not get to participate in. 40 years ago this weekend, thousands of people, young and old, gathered in Bethel, NY. And this weekend, out behind Max Yasgur's barn, 2 beautiful friends got married. 5 years ago this weekend, Rob and I also tied the knot out there on Max's farm. So we took last night as an opportunity to just sit back and reflect on our adopted family out east. We told Bridget stories of these crazy beautiful characters that we adore. As I sipped my sangria, I sang John Prine into Bridget's soft little head. And Bridget let me. This was her first campfire. She was fascinated by it. The whole thing seemed very serious to her. She's become such an active little one now a days. These rare moments of snuggles catch me off gaurd. It's hard to imagine that one day, not too far off, our little Birdy girl will be toddling around. So for now, I cherish these instances where she rests her chin on my chest and watches me sing as though I had invented song itself. As I sang, she would stretch her skinny little legs out towards the fire. Her little toes would wiggle and spread. You could almost hear her say "awwww yeah. that feels good." I looked over at Rob as I finished a song. He was leaned back in his rocking chair, eyes closed. I asked where he was, though I didn't have to ask. All we needed was the hum of a not so distant drum circle and bursts of laughter, and he could transport himself into the Vernville camp. Eventually, Bridget drifted off to sleep and I took a moment to really be thankful for the blessing that I was

given. I had dreamed and prayed for many years to be right where I was.... next to a phenomenal best friend and rocking our beautiful and healthy child. And I reflected on God's promise that carried me through those rough monthes not so long ago. "Just wait and see what I have planned for you." And I had to smile.... never would I have imagined at that moment that I would have a husband that has blossomed into a wonderful stay at home parent. And I certainly would never have imagined that I would be starting back to school to become an RN. But God is great, all the time. And I am thankful. So, congratulations to Bob and Marcy!!!! Getting to know you and love you was one of the greatest parts of 2008!

~its been a long time coming

2009-08-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's been far too long. Mostly because I kept trying to figure out how to explain this last year. But I realize, that I don't need to. Besides, only 2 people prob'ly read this and one of those was there by my side through the whole crazy rollercoaster. But the fog has lifted and a life of new possibilities has begun and it is time to begin again. To put it simply, this last year has been full of death and birth.... endings and the beginnings of new callings.... but best of all, the answer to our greatest prayers.

~pardon the silence

2008-12-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

Things have been...... interesting... lately. Death and renewing.... loss and blessings..... its all been a bit much to take in. Soon... very soon I will be able to put this into words. For now I revel in the words God whispered into my ear during the darkest moments of the last month "just wait until you see what I have planned for you......" But right now is a time for losing myself in cookie dough, princess dress up clothes, and picking out my favorite Christmas ornament of the day... touching each card that was sent to us... just being in the moment.

~sometimes Prine says it best

2008-11-18T13:44:00.000-08:00

"Some humans ain't human
Though they walk like we do
They live and they breathe
Just to turn the old screw
They screw you when you're sleeping
They try to screw you blind
Some humans ain't human
Some people ain't kind

You might go to church
And sit down in a pew
Those humans who ain't human
Could be sittin' right next to you
They talk about your family
They talk about your clothes
When they don't know their own ass
From their own elbows
Jealousy and stupidity
Don't equal harmony
Jealousy and stupidity
Don't equal harmony

Have you ever noticed
When you're feeling really good
There's always a pigeon
That'll come shit on your hood"
~john prine 'some humans ain't human'

......trying hard not to lose my faith in people today.

~ten things that make me love Nashville

2008-11-16T14:56:00.000-08:00

1.... you absolutely never know who may be sitting next to you at the bar.

2.... it's like the land of Rob's long lost twin brothers. Big beards, glasses, and hats are like a uniform

3.... once in a while you hear a good true tennessean Dolly Parton twang, and not just in the Cracker Barrel

4.... at any moment you may well be in a spot where Hank Williams got drunk, Waylon may have gotten strung out, and on and on

5... because the idea of making a life there is so completely possible

6.... you may have basement recording studios in the houses on either side of you

7.... it has the good taste of Seattle with very little of the hipster attitude

8.... on any given night, there is something decent to go out and listen to in a bar

9.... PBR tallboys are cheaper than sin and tastier than any other place on earth

10.... it makes us forget the troubles we left back home and renews us with a whole world of possibilities. We know that no matter what, we can chuck everything and just move there

~inheritances

2008-11-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking lately about the things we inherit. I can't believe I've been married to Rob for several years now and he only JUST told me that webbed toes runs in his family. He knows how much I love odd characteristics like that. So I started thinking about all the things our littlest one may or may not inherit. Will they get their Grandpa Bill's clear blue eyes? Will they get the Clarksen cheeks? Will they have mama's shiny black hair or be a fair skinned little red head like their dad? Which then led me to thinking of the generations that went before us. We lost Rob's Grandma Boness last year. It didn't catch us completely unaware but was sudden none the less. My mom is in Tulsa visiting her own mother and preparing for her passing as well. My Grandma Fran gave me more than just her name. In fact, that was a gift from both of my Grandmothers.... something I've always held a deep sense of pride about. She was a resourceful woman. Some of my clearest childhood memories involve running through her rows of peas with the cousins. Years have passed since then and the unimaginable creeps in. One day it became apparent that the devil Alzheimer's had gone from simple forgetfulness, to robbing her of the ability to even thread her beloved sewing machine. I was touched and honored when my mom and her sisters asked me if I would want her sewing machine. Now, my close friends and family sort of laugh about my sewing machine situation. Some people horde cats, some newspapers, some nicknack's. I..... I can not say no to a sewing machine. When I was in college, mom found me a sweet little work horse that whipped up numerous things for roommates and friends. Then I graduated to her beloved Pfaff. The same machine she had sewn my own baby clothes on. When my Aunt Marjorie lost her fight with breast cancer(check often!!! check thoroughly!!!) I inherited a beautiful Singer Featherweight. So, by the time Grandma Fran's machine came, the term "machine addict" had already been tossed around. Then a few years later, Rob's Grandma Boness passed on and tear filled eyes turned to me and asked "would you?" It was then that I realized I needed to take these blessings and share them. Two of these machines now reside at the church where I teach any child who is interested, how to sew on a machine. Now, when they deconstructed the craft rooms of these women, its not just their machines that came along. It was their knitting needles.... their crochet hooks... half used balls of yarn.. their patterns, clippings from Good Housekeeping, and half done sewing projects. You will never EVER hear me whine that I don't have a particular size knitting needle. When I pick up each pair, I wonder what she made with this set. Who got a Christmas gift made from these very needles. And with each box of this and that, I would find treasures. In my grandma's things, I found patterns for presents she had lovingly made for us grandchildren as heirlooms when she knew that her mind would not always let her do such things. And when I looked even closer, I found links to my mother's childhood and how things come full circle. This wooden needle case holds the most beautiful set of metal knitting needles. They are gauge 0 which, for our non knitters, is almost the smallest you can go. I have never attempted anything that delicate but once in a while I open it and touch them. I tell myself, "One day you will complete a project with these.... and then, you will know you really know your stuff." But the most dear thing is the little price tag. It is from a long gone store in Milwaukee, WI. And the set was only 15 cents. Most people don't know, but my mom was born in Milwaukee before they relocated to Tulsa, OK later in her childhood. So when I fell in love and moved to Wisconsin, it just sort of felt right. In the box of projects from Rob's Grandma's house, I stumbled upon a very much used and well loved knitting pattern for children's mittens. She marked it off each time she used it. Numerous check marks, and most every size had been circled at some point. Made me wonder which of those check marks were for a pair made to keep his mom's little fingers warm as a child. And then later to keep her grand children's fingers safe from the bitter winds blowing in off the lake.

All of this makes me think of what I have inherited...... not in dollars or truly even in materials at all. I run my fingers through the jars and vases of needles.... I flip through well loved Christmas decoration patterns.... and I think about all that I am and where it came from. Religion, to me, is merely the culture of faith one grew up with. In my own family I have seen how important it is to hold onto that culture. No matter what roof it was practised under, we all inherited that importance of faith. I inherited the belief that if something is wrong, you stand up against it. Even if it isn't the popular stance. If someone is hurt, you lay down your burden and help ease theirs. I also inherited the gift of craft..... of sewing, knitting, creating. We don't always realize where our gifts come from and just take it for granted. I challenge you to look at your passions and then try to trace back who or what along the way encouraged it. I am proud that my first successful venture into sewing is imortalized on the wall of my parents' bathroom. This little piece of muslin was my first piece.... done at age 4 or 5.

Many years later, I got this very picture inked into my upper arm. To remind me of sitting at my mom's feet in her bedroom as she tried to get a sewing project done. She could have easily told me to go watch tv or play out in the backyard. Instead, she handed me some scrap fabric and a needle and a little bit of encouragement. That was all it took to send me down a path that quite honestly, changed my life. So, with all this.... it makes me wonder, what will my child inherit from me? What shall they gather from their dad? My mom had no way of knowing what lay ahead of me while I stood there at her knee with a bored look on my face. Who are you going to inspire this week? Who have you inspired into their own creativity?

~little feet i ache to nuzzle

2008-11-07T16:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's hard to accept there really is a child inside. We tried for so long. At times it seems so surreal, that I start wondering if I'm making it all up. Like one of those crazy women on soap operas that stuff pillows up their shirts. But then I remember that we've got photo evidence that I'm not losing my mind. This little foot.... it makes things so much more concrete for me. I can look at this stubborn little foot and I swear, I can almost feel the soft cool arch on my lips.

We spent so much time praying that the latest combination would do the trick. All those monthes where we were ready to throw in the towel. And then, once those 5 little pee sticks revealed an answer to our prayers, I spent so much time feeling nauseous and queasy. This odd phase of nothingness tricks me. Though I truly believe that lil' foot did a happy little Irish jig on the side of my stomach as the electoral votes rolled in on Tuesday. I think the little one knew I needed some reassurance that we didn't have a teeny Alex P. Keaton on our hands. For they flashed us the tell tale sign of any mini revolutionary.... we got the peace sign.

Hey little one..... I want you to know you are coming into a world full of possibility. I want you to know that you are coming into a brand new age. The season has turned and, even though the newsman just told us the first snow of the year is falling, I see your future blossoming with chances. None of it comes easy. But you have the two of us, hands ready in case you need steadying. You are a child of possibility. We all are.... no matter our age. And I want you to know that your very existence gives others hope. Others who don't even know you.... most barely even know me but are drawn to tell me how you touched them. Just knowing the journey it took for you to find us, is a light to those still wandering down that dark path just before the dawn. I hope your teensy little dreams in there are blessed and warm and give you peace.

~canning insanity

2008-11-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the nesting instinct telling me to stock up to survive this cold Wisconsin winter.... Maybe it's my reluctance to go to the grocery store and face the crowds.... or, perhaps its a subconscious nod of recognition to my Grandma's life of hard work and an ode to her pioneering spirit as she slips away into the thick fog of Alzheimer's. But I've been canning my little heart out. And were I lucky enough to own a pressure cooker, we would have canned even more. Fearing the deathly threat of botulism, I stuck to what I knew was safe. As I type, there is the final pot of applesauce bubbling away in the kitchen. I hope our fellow church potluckers enjoy apples for I shall become known as the apple pie/crumble/muffin/bread/cake lady at anything that asks for a 'dish to pass'(a phrase I'd never heard until i stumbled into the Midwestern life.)

I would say this pot of apples is my last, but those paper sacks filled with green tomatoes rescued from the frosty garden would say otherwise. There is still a round of tomato sauce to be had if they ever turn remotely red. I had grand plans for bloody Mary mixer canned up, but the impending arrival of our little one made me think otherwise. Tomato juice with no vodka just makes no sense to me. The few jars of spicy tomato juice that did result from our round of salsa canning, will make the tastiest salsa chicken soup in town. I'll admit it.... I feel whole and secure when I come home from work and catch sight of that bounty of pretty little jars with their gold lids filling my pantry by the basement. The housing market can crash, the election can go in a very wrong direction, and the Packers could lose every game left in the season.... but we will be fed through the winter. I thought, while I'm at it, I would post my delicious granola recipe that I made Friday. It makes a huuuuge amount. But have no doubt, if you seal it up well in some good jars, it will keep very well. It makes a great breakfast, pairs perfectly with yogurt, and is a grand topper to any emergency apple crumble needs that may hit you. Believe it or not, but this abundant recipe is actually from an old recipe that I cut in half.

Granola

~3 lbs rolled oats

~1 cup brown sugar

~2 cups wheat germ

~2 cups whole wheat flour

~2 cups coconut

~1 cup wheat bran

~1 lb dried cranberries or raisins

~1 cup raw sunflower seeds

~1 cup raw walnuts pieces

~1-2 cups flax seed meal

~2 tsp salt

~1 cup canola oil

~1/2 lb butter melted

~2 cups honey

~2 tbsp vanilla

~2 tbsp cinnamon

~preheat to 295 degrees

~Combine all the dry ingredients in the biggest mixing bowl you own. And I mean big! You're gonna do some stirring in here.

~In a separate bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients until the smell and consistency makes you drool.

~Poor liquid into dry. I do this gradually as my biggest mixing bowl is barely big enough for the job. Stir it all until it all looks evenly coated and delicious. At this point you may be tempted to just start eating it with a spoon. And I won't judge you if you do.

~Spread evenly on 4 good size cookie sheets with raised edges. Its okay if you have to do the baking part in 2 batches. My oven could only hold 2 large sheets at a time. It won't hurt anything to let half of it sit for a while before it bakes.

~Bake for 10 minutes. Take out and stir

~Bake for another 10 minutes. Take out and stir.

~One more time, bake 10 minutes and stir. All this putzing helps get an even baking.

~Bake until it gets a nice even tan color. It will still feel soft at this point, but don't panic. Leave it alone for a half hour or so and you'll see a significant change in its texture. The longer it sits out, the crunchier it will be. If you seal it up too soon, there is a chance of it still having some moisture in there and getting things a bit on the softer side again. So I let it sit out over night. I broke it up and transferred the first batch into the giant mixing bowl and the only problem was that my husband kept sneaking into the kitchen to grab up some of the larger chunks to nibble on.

~stepping out into thin air

2008-11-02T09:15:00.000-08:00

I need to get past this feeling of inadequacy.... that no one needs to hear my voice spoken. For so long I have gathered inspiration, encouragement, and joy from many many bloggers from around the world. Finally I decided that perhaps... perhaps I might have a little something to give back in return. And, this is a turning point in our lives. What better time to chronicle the path we're on. What better time to challenge myself to explore my own possibility. To the few family and friends who grace me by reading along, I thank you for letting me hear my own voice. I sort of wonder if this is all that much different from when I would sit in front of the mirror and cry as a child. But so what if it is..... I'm an individual who has always felt things deeply, and really reveled in those feelings whether they be joyful or painful. The ability to step away from those feelings and look at them objectively has helped me grow over the years. So here it is..... the good, the bad, and the embarrassingly 'francie' moments of our lives.